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[fixeswatches]

Gabriel had been staring at his phone for a while now, as if that would will it to ring somehow. That way he wouldn't have to be the first to call. In his hand was the napkin with Elle's number scrawled on it. He hadn't been able to get himself to call it, just yet.

After all, even though they were supposed to meet up today, he couldn't help but feel a little awkward. The last time he had seen her they had had sex, while drunk. And everyone caught them. They couldn't even get along most of them time, and now everyone would probably think they were a couple or something.

Having a day to think about things hadn't really helped him at all. If anything, it had really made things worse. The more he could think, the more whatever they had together seemed like a bad idea. They had fucked before even exchanging phone numbers. How healthy was now? Maybe that's why he was having trouble calling.

And what was he supposed to say? "Sorry I was too drunk to realize I shouldn't have fucked you?" or how about "I'm sorry I couldn't even be considerate enough to make it enjoyable for you." Or maybe he could talk about the fact that there was clearly something more than just lust passing between them. Something neither one of them seemed to want to discuss, ever.

He supposed she was just as scared as he was in the end.

Finally, he took a deep breath and dialed the number, waiting for her to pick up. Things couldn't possibly get any worse, right? And besides, he wanted to see her, despite of everything. Or maybe because of it. He wasn't sure.

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[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Taking a day to think had been a horrible, horrible idea and she had no idea why she thought it was a good one, ironically enough. She spent a long time lying in her bed Saturday, wishing she had a dog or something to keep her company. Elle really never got lonely; she was used to entertaining herself. And the only entertainment she had was stuffing her face in a pillow and trying to remember every detail of last night.

So it was a ruined first time, but she wanted to remember it, right? But all she could remember was that it hurt, but it wasn't bad. She'd remember if it'd been bad, right?

And that it had been her fault. Her stupid, drunken fault. She'd wanted him on top of her and she knew they wouldn't be able to stop, and she'd wanted him to do it; she'd practically begged him to have sex with her. She couldn't even really be upset about the circumstances. She'd asked for it.

And now he was the only person in the entire world (okay, just high school--but what was the difference to her right now, honestly?) who even... cared about her? She didn't even know how he felt. And how she felt was hidden behind some black, blank wall she shied away from; she was so confused. What were they? Friends? Lovers? As if there was any love between them.

She spent most of Sunday afternoon staring at her phone, her finger poised over the 'send' button. She didn't understand. She was usually so fearless, and it was just a dumb phone call. Before she'd even mustered the courage though, it was ringing, and she flinched, and her heart did a somersault, because it was Gabriel. She accepted the call with a rush and held the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

His heart raced a little as she picked up, and he couldn't help but feel relieved somehow. Not that she would of ignored his calls or anything (he didn't think she would anyways) but for a second there he thought maybe she wouldn't want to talk to him after what had happened.

Why did that thought of that make him feel so hollow? It didn't make sense.

At the sound of her voice, he took a deep breath, suddenly at a loss of what he should say. He figured it was best to keep it simple while on the phone. "Hi, Elle, it's me, Gabriel." Never mind that his number had probably given away that information. "When did you want to meet up today?"

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

It was silly, that she was so relieved to hear his voice that she might have closed her eyes and cradled the phone to her ear, but she did. It wasn't like he could see the reaction. She was just happy he'd had the nerve--the desire--to call and talk to her, even if he sounded painfully awkward.

Painfully awkward and all-business was better than no call at all, though. "Hi," she replied softly. "Uhm, whenever is okay with me. I'm not doing anything all day."

Plus, she was already ready. She might have spent all morning restlessly and nervously showering and dressing, and re-dressing, and changing her outfit again. What was she supposed to wear? Her flirtatious, sexy dresses and tight jeans seemed so inappropriate, now. Maybe she'd been wearing them so much to get his attention, she realized now. Maybe a little. She'd finally settled on the jeans though, and soft, oversized v-neck t-shirt. That was non-sexual, right? She was even wearing sneakers.

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

"Well, do you want to meet up soon?" He asked curiously. He hoped he didn't sound too eager or too...anything. He just really wanted to see her, the sooner the better. That wasn't weird, was it?

Besides, he had gotten ready a while ago as well. He was back to dressing how he normally did, slacks and sweater vests, his hair perfectly parted. Nothing special or anything.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She wanted to say yes right away, but she pressed her lips together and made herself wait a natural pause. She didn't want to sound too eager. "Yeah," she answered on a deep sigh. Why was her heart beating so fast? She wasn't ready to see him again, not at all, but she thought she might die if she didn't. "I'm ready, and my Daddy's not here and it's a Sunday so the driver's off... so we can go where ever." She picked anxiously at the hem of her jeans. As strict as her Dad was, he always managed to give her unintentional leeway, because he was so busy with other things. How else could she have managed to sneak to Adam all those times?

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

"Is there anywhere particular that you want to meet up at?" He asked quietly. He didn't want to chose someplace private and seem presumptuous or something. Not after what happened on Friday. It seemed better, somehow, to let her have control over the situation. He just wanted to see her, it was almost irrational, how much he wanted to see her. But it didn't really matter where he saw her.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Elle thought for a moment--did she want to choose someplace private? Someplace neutral? A coffee shop, or a... She sighed. She didn't know. She didn't want to be tempted (but she did), which was such a ludicrous worry. She wasn't ready to have sex with him again, no matter how much she wanted to, and after Friday, she didn't trust herself to control herself, however much she could blame on the alcohol.

"Let's... let's go to that park near school?" she finally suggested. "The one we didn't go to... that time?" That was safe. Neutral. Maybe close enough to somewhere private (like her house), but she instantly squished that thought.

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

"The park will just be fine. Should I meet you in about twenty minutes then?" He asked. After all, he'd have to talk to his mother and tell her where she was going first. Someplace public like the park was probably the best option though, it would force them both to show some self control, at the very least.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"Okay," she said, more resolution in her voice. She always felt better when there was a plan. "Twenty minutes," she confirmed. "See you soon," she added awkwardly.

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

"I'll see you then," He hung up the phone, taking a deep breath. They were just meeting to talk. It didn't mean anything. It wasn't like it was a date or anything.

Which was good. He didn't want to date her. Or he was pretty sure he didn't, anyways.

He told his mother he was going out and would be back by dinner before heading out the door, making his way to the park. He wasn't excited or nervous. He was calm. This was just a casual meeting between two friends.

Not that they were friends. Or lovers. Or anything.

He finally arrived to the park, waiting around by the swings as he looked for her. Casually. Not eagerly or worriedly or anything.

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

The moment they disconnected Elle was up off her bed and bounding down the stairs. It would take her about twenty minutes to walk there briskly, which was wonderful because this way she didn't have to think too much. Not about where she was going or why, or what she was going to say when she got there (she still had no idea), and certainly not who she was meeting.

Okay so she thought about all those things, in constant, dizzying rotation in her head, and her breath stopped a little short in her throat when she turned into the park and saw him waiting. She paused, hesitated--before determinedly walking forward, wringing her hands a little.

"Hi," she said finally, slowing to a stop in front of him, nervously releasing her hands to her sides. What was she supposed to do with them?

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

As he waited for him his mind kept going over questions. What should he ask? What should they talk about? Should he hug her? Kiss her? Avoid touching her? Did she resent him for what had happened? The longer he waited, the more thoughts invaded his head.

At her word though, he was snapped out of his thoughts, and he suddenly felt awkward, placing his hands in his pockets.

"Hi."

what else was he supposed to say?

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She looked to the ground, because his gaze was so intense, and she rubbed her thighs with her hands and a deep breath for a moment before crossing them loosely over her stomach. Would it have been okay to touch him? Would that be weird? Did he want to touch her? Maybe he regretted what happened, and now he just wanted to draw a line, or...? Her heart lodged in her throat. It was a mistake anyway, right? If he said he didn't want to make it a big deal or anything, she'd be cool about it. Even if the idea simply made her chest ache so much she wanted to die.

"You want to sit down?" she finally managed to ask, and did anyway, plopping on the edge of the sandbox.

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

"Sure," He murmured softly, sitting down next to her on the edge of the sandbox. He wondered idly if he was sitting too close or not close enough. Should he wrap an arm around her shoulders or keep it to himself? Did she want to call things off? Why did that hurt?

"How have you been since...?" He trailed off. Since what? Since he took her virginity in the middle of a bathroom while she was drunk out of her mind?

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

"Fine," she answered too quickly, and held onto the edges with stiff shoulders, angling her bent knees towards him. They brushed his thigh and her breath stopped; she jerked them away a little, flushing. "I've been... okay, I mean," she fibbed nervously, and tentatively settled her knees back against his warmth. She bit her lip and looked at him, completely terrified. "You?"

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

He frowned a little at her response, not buying it for a second. She didn't seem okay at all. "I've been fine," He answered a little too quickly himself before shifting the conversation back to her. It was almost comforting, resting his knee against hers. At least she still wanted to touch him, right? "Are you sure you're alright?"

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

At least he wasn't pulling away, right? But she bristled at his reoccurring question a little, and folded her arms into her lap. "I'm not made of glass, Gabriel. I'll be fine," she said, revising her original response. She would be fine. She knew she would be. She always was. She'd been through a lot worse, and this pain was just more acute right now, that was all. "Are you okay?" she pressed.

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

"I didn't say you were, I was just double checking, you seem really edgy," He bit back, tensing up a little. It seemed like being on the defensive was his default or something. "I was just concerned, okay? Is that a crime?"

At her question he nodded, taking a deep breath, trying to calm himself a little. "I'm perfectly fine."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Her jaw clenched at his defensive reaction and she straightened a little. The last thing she needed right now was harshness, and it only added some salt in her already open wound. "Well, you seem really edgy, too," she argued. "You don't have to get mean about it."

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

"I'm not trying to be mean," He admitted with a frustrated sigh. He ran his fingers nervously through his hair. "I just...I don't know what I'm supposed to say or do, okay?"

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

She instantly blushed and looked down. She had the tendency to always think the worst of him, didn't she? "Sorry," she whispered, and picked at her jeans. She let out a sigh of her own. "I don't know what to say or do either."

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

He laughed a little awkwardly, running his fingers through his hair one more time before dropping his hands on his knees. "We really made a mess of things, didn't we?"

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

A weak laugh left her, answering his own. "Yeah," she agreed soberly, staring into her lap. After a tense, quiet moment, she pressed her lips together, gathering courage. "I don't think I... You're really... stubborn, and mean, and condescending, but I..." I like you. "I like being around you. I guess."

[justgabriel.livejournal.com]

He wasn't sure how to respond to that. In the same sentence she had insulted him and admitted she liked being around him. But...that was better than nothing. He took a deep breath before finally responding. "You can be really annoying...and childish...and sensitive sometimes....but...I guess I like being around you too."

[electrocutesy.livejournal.com]

Her first instinct was to argue, but she stifled it. She knew she was those things, sometimes. Maybe not annoying, though. Sometimes. She sighed and tried to smile; he liked being around her too. "I think you're more sensitive than me," she teased lightly.